Day 24: Same as I ever was.

The “un-plan” for my 30 days of me time was to carve out space to do the things I’ve neglected for too long. Turns out I filled my time with the familiar, only with more freedom. Isn’t that interesting? Finding your lost love and discovering it’s the same as it always was. Only you were different.

Screen shot 2015-03-26 at 12.54.27 PMI’ve been writing professionally (in advertising and promotions) for umpteen years (maybe even 20 but at some point you have to stop counting.) Though I still get a charge out of the process, like everything, it can get rote.  So I took this break to teach myself that I could take what I loved, but grown weary of, and pivot. I wanted to see if a time-out could help me refresh and re-direct new energy into something more fulfilling. I’ve been thinking about ways to take my passion and skills to different outlets–and writing this silly blog has been a tiny part of my test.

The result? Same as it ever was. It’s a love-hate relationship. This, always-on-thought-to-paper process. But I’m lollygagging in the love section. What’s different is I’m not doing this on the clock, for a commercial brand or for my résumé. I like the craft. I like the performance without the spotlight. I like the kneading and rolling and shaping. Continue reading

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Day 23: Where there’s a will…there’s a maybe.

When to say “when” is a recurring decision in life, isn’t it? How long do you give something before giving in, giving up…or giving it your all? I feel like I’ve just settled in here and, in a week, it’ll be time to head home unless the stars align and allow me to stay. I’ve done a little leg work to make that happen but didn’t want to make things too difficult. If it clicks, it clicks. If it doesn’t, it wasn’t meant to be. That’s what I tell myself anyway.

We hear that often in life. Que sera, sera. All we can do is try. How hard and for how long is up to you… Screen shot 2015-03-24 at 11.15.49 PM Continue reading

“The truth is that we’re always in some kind of in-between state. We never fully arrive.” – Pema Chodron

Tomorrow, I’ll be leaving my comfort zone. I decided to spend a month in a quiet coastal town in a cozy house with a beautiful view of a river nearby beach dunes, vineyards and farm land–and not much else. Call it a sabbatical, a retreat, a time-out. It’s my way of shoving a bookmark in the middle of my life story. I’ll come back when I’m ready to dig in again.

I quit my job almost three months ago now. And, three months in, I’m still not untangled. My schedule has been busy. My mind has been overloaded. My days just as harried as when I was working full-time. So now I’m quitting my routine, too. Where I live, who I see, how I while away my time…

Am I in transition? Well, as the quote above, life is always in transition. I’m taking 30 days of me-time to embrace the change, explore new and present choices and see what shakes out. I don’t expect to have answers at the end of the month, but I do somehow believe the quiet, the stillness and the calm is what I need to propel myself forward again. I have ideas of things I’d like to do but ultimately I have no solid agenda. It’s just about carving space to do more things I love, to learn what inspires me most and to let go of any structure… It sounds like it should be the easiest thing to do, right? And yet, in fact, it is a difficult lesson I’ve been trying to teach myself. To not know. To be comfortable being lost. To un-plan and make room for whatever may come.