Is it the daily practice of writing, or the focused introspection or the Buddhist mindfulness I’ve been trying to teach myself?
As an advertising writer, it’s sometimes (but not always) the same. When I’m working on headlines. Billboard headlines. The kind where you have to be clever and on-brand and tell a story in five words or less–at least 50 times over so the client has options of clever, on-brand, storytelling in five words or less. It’s hard to find the “off” button. I jot down notes on my iPhone on the subway home. I’m writing on snippets of recycled paper I have clipped together on my kitchen table. I even scribble words here and there in bed while I wind down. You can’t just flip the switch. The words streaming like a news ticker in the lower third screen of my life. Until the deadline. Until the next project kick-off. Where it starts all over again.
It bothered me less–or I noticed it less–then because I was actively problem solving. There was an end goal, a nut to crack, a job to do. Right now, I’m just aimlessly thinking, trying to corral my thoughts back to here and now… And it’s like I’m personally closed-captioning every scene of my day. Make. It. Stop. (Unless I’m in front of my laptop.)
I suppose that’s the price to pay for dialing in. Intense focus on the thing that’s the thing of the moment. Like being on a running kick, engrossed in a book or on a wine and potato chips binge (theme of the month). Is it passion or just my personality? Am I working through it or just making myself stay in the rhythm? Is it good or bad?
I’ve been stuffing my brain with too much stimuli and it’s responding with feedback. The kind that comes when the guitar is too close to the amp.